Three panel comic featuring the presidents of the United States.
Panel 1: Thomas Jefferson enters with the Declaration of Independence and says "Here's to the semiquincentennial!" Abraham Lincoln says "Happy 250th Birthday, America. You look like you haven't aged since 1861."
Panel 2: James Madison says "These colors don't run!" First term Grover Cleveland, second term Grover Cleveland, and Warren G. Harding say, respectively "Mountain majesties: Purple." "Waves of Grain: Amber." "Reflecting pools: Green."
Panel 3: Jefferson says "Look! Washington got new dentures for the occasion!" Washington, with weird teeth that spell out "250," says "They're made from the teeth of ICE protestors." Franklin Roosevelt says "Gross." Andrew Jackson says "resourceful!"
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Jefferson’s Bastille Day Machine in Action
An animated version of Thomas Jefferson’s Rube Goldberg machine to celebrate Bastille Day on Friday:
(A) Thomas Jefferson pitches a baseball
(B) at an American-made Colt revolver
(C) which will shoot the lid off a French music box
(D) and start playing “Veillons au salut de l’Empire”
(E) causing Napoleon to salute
(F) pulling a string tied to the lever of a 19th-century French guillotine
(G) dropping the blade and striking a match
(H) which ignites an Exxon Valdez oil-covered bald eagle
(I) who majestically flies into the fireworks array, starting the celebration!
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